Boys

My daughter has been boy crazy from a very early age. When most little girls thought boys had cooties, my girl thought the boy at her table in preschool was "really cute". I guess I cannot blame her, I remember being pretty boy crazy myself at an early age. Of course, I was all about C. Thomas Howell, Ralph Maccio, Scott Baio, Leif Garrett, Matt Dillon and so many more. I think I started buying up Tiger Beat and Teen Beat at about the age of 10 or 11. I posted those tear out 8 1/2 x 11 glossy photos all over my door (the only place my mother allowed posters). At any given time, my affections would change and so would the boys on my door.

My mother handled my crushes pretty much the same way I handle A's. She allowed me to have my little fantasy world and pretty much figured the rest would work itself out. I do worry about A though. I remember what it was like to be the girl that all the boys confided in. I was the go-to man between the boys and their crushes. I was never the object of affection - I was their buddy, their pal, their confidante. It stunk. I see A falling into that same predicament. I can tell how much it bothers her at times but, like me, she tries to pretend she's okay with watching all her friends pair up while she coordinates their relationships.

I hope A finds a way to balance her affection for boys with her ability to be their friend. I think the fact that I was always "the friend" helped make me who I am today. I am fortunate today to count two great guys as a couple of my closest friends. One friendship started because CS liked one of my girl friends. I arranged for the two of them to 'hang out' at the country club pool and they 'dated' for most of the summer (if you call flirting and talking on the phone - dating). Their relationship ended when the summer came to close but he and I have been close friends ever since! Over 25 years! I hope A finds some good boy friends like this.

Things changed a bit this week when she learned that a boy in her grade actually liked her and, according to sources, has liked her for over a year but was too shy to tell her. You should see the pep in her step, the smile on her face every time I mention his name! She says she likes him back but isn't ready to be someone's girlfriend (that's my girl). I'm certainly not ready for her to be someone's girlfriend but I have to admit that I'm pretty excited for her to finally be object of someone's interest!! A mother wants her child to be smart, athletic, attractive, popular - come on - admit it - you want your child to be everything you weren't!! Whether you are subtle about it or not - your child's crowning achievements make you feel like a success and their failures like they are your own!

Parenting is like walking a tight rope - balancing their needs and desires against your own. If you wanted to be a primo ballerina but never achieved that goal and your daughter shows the slightest interest in dance - you are instantly dreaming of the day you see her on stage dancing Swan Lake in front of the masses. Yeah, that's my daughter up there in all her glory!! Fathers dream of their son's scoring the winning touchdown at the Super Bowl. We are all guilty of it. Some parents push those dreams on their children and others sit back and quietly cheer as it all falls into place w/o having to look like you were pushing!!

I have lots of dreams for my children but I'm a bit laid back about helping them to achieve those goals. Sometimes I think I should be a bit more pushy but that's just really not my nature. Sure, I get frustrated during a tennis match when A is not playing her best but I'm also the mom that does a little cheer in her head when a tennis match is rained out even though I know the match is necessary toward her goal of greatness. But when it comes to affairs of the heart, I admit I push this more than any other aspect of my daughter's life. I am constantly asking about the relationships in her class - who likes who, who is mad at who? Maybe it is because of my own early shortcomings when it came to being a "girlfriend"? Maybe it is because I'm afraid my daughter's heart is breaking inside every time a boy she likes admits he likes one of her friends. Liking boys stinks no matter your age! They can break your heart whether you are 10 or 110.

So here's to all my friends with daughter's......I hope you push them in the right direction w/o leaving any permanent marks. I hope you always remember how hard it is to be a little girl and hold their hearts gently in yours and apply the scotch tape to all the necessary places when they think it's broken. Raising a daughter is an uphill battle that we can win.....because we were once little girls and we made it over those same hills and found mountains on the other side!