Pap

Today is the two year anniversary of the day my beloved Pap Pap passed away. I still think of him almost every day. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to when I would think about him being gone but today it seems to hurt as much as the day it happened. It is still hard to believe he is gone. Hard to understand how I've managed to make it thru the last two years without his smile, the sound of his voice, his support, and his love. They say that when you lose someone close to you eventually you will forget what they looked like, smelled like, sounded like -but I still can vividly remember those things about Pap.

He was my champion. My cheerleader. There was not a thing I tackled in life that I did not know he was in my corner cheering me on. Convincing me I could do anything. I try very hard to project that same attitude to my children. I want them to always know that they have me in their corner, just like I had Pap Pap.

I wish my kids could have known him better. I wish they could have known him before the pneumonia kept taking all his energy. Before his legs didn't want to work anymore. Before his body gave out. I wish they could have known the man that would take me to the Elks Club before I was 5 and buy me a steak because "that's what his little girl wanted and by golly that was what she was going to have". I wish they could have been there when he'd slip a $100 bill in my hand as a secret so I could go shopping or gambling. I wish they could have played Hell's Gate Bridge or Knock with him and see the way he'd roll his eyes when he'd lose a hand or the way he'd blow a hand just to protect me from losing. I wish they could have been in his living room with him in the mornings watching cartoons while he drank his morning coffee and read his newspaper. I just wish they had more time with the greatest man I ever knew.

I miss you with all my heart Pap.