Just when I think the bad news has stopped rolling in.......I get a phone call on Sunday afternoon from a friend and former coworker telling me her husband had died suddenly that morning of a heart attack. He was 65. I honestly did not know what to say. I was floored. We had just had lunch together last Friday and she was talking about all their big plans to redecorate the house this fall.
While I am still processing that news and trying to figure out how I can take off work to attend the funeral, I check my messages on the cell at lunch yesterday and there are two frantic calls from my friend K telling me that our friend T was rushed to the ER that morning with chest pain. WHAT THE HELL??? She's 38! Do 38 year olds have chest pains???? I guess they do. I gave the doctors time to run their tests and do their thing and stopped by with scrapbook magazines and real Coke after work. All things considered, she looked pretty good for someone with a blood clot in her lung!! Looks like she will be alright after a few days of IV blood thinners and a prescription for more when she gets home.
Yikes - I have to say that is a scare I was not quite prepared for. I'm getting used to losing older relatives or hearing about my friends lost an older relative but I am not ready for things like this to happen to friends - especially friends my age. Sure puts alot of things in life in perspective. Is the day to day stress of my commute and the insane pressure of my job really worth it when life can throw crazy curveballs your way at any moment?? I was already working on a mid-life crisis, job re-evaluation, 'what do I want to be when I grow up' struggle before all this stuff happened the past few days so this just really pushes it to the front of my mind. Time to put my ducks in a row and think about where I want to go with the rest of my life - no matter how long or short that time may be?
On a less somber note, today was the first day of school for both kids. I dreaded the moment that E discovered his beloved Ms. Mayra had not moved up to his class level this year at preschool. So I opted for taking A to her first day of Middle School and letting Daddy take E to preschool. Big mistake on my part - I got the drama queen and he got the child who loves his big school and was not phased a bit by the new teacher. Our morning actually started out fine. A was so excited she was already dressed when I went in to wake her up. We curled her hair, picked the perfect first day outfit, ate some breakfast, picked up one of her best friends so they could walk into Middle School together. Then it started falling apart. 1100 students milling about. 530 confused, anxious and excited 6th graders trying to open their lockers and find their classrooms for the first time. My daughter who actually opened her locker at orientation this past Saturday, drew a mental block and couldn't remember how to open it today. She freaked and I mean FREAKED. There was sweat at her brow as she tried the combination again and again. There were tears when I sent her looking for a teacher and she realized that class was starting in 5 minutes and we still had not opened that stupid locker. I finally had to grab my normally calm and collected 11 yr old by the shoulders and shake her til she calmed down. After a deep breath and hearing another teacher tell a kid to start turning to the right - there was that AHA! moment and all was right with the world again. (in my defense, we didn't have locks on our lockers at private school so I don't know how to turn those darn things) The stupid locker opened, the school supplies were shoved in, the binder and planner were in hand and I watched as my beautiful spazz of a daughter walked away to GT LA for her first class as a 6th grader. I had to walk past the room to make sure all was well and there she sat with two of her close friends just giggling and having a great time. Another tragedy averted. Life was good. So I slowly walked thru the halls of my daughters new middle school and realized that today was probably one of the biggest steps in her life that we will take together for a long time. She is definitely a big girl now. I cannot help her when she has to go back to that locker at lunch. She's on her own. And here I will sit at my desk watching the clock and wondering how she's faring today.
As for E, he's just growing up too fast. I never thought I'd see the day that he'd happily go off to school or accept any change as a drastic as a new teacher w/o the blink of an eye. Maybe he won't need me for as long as his big sister has? Maybe he'll take these big steps w/o needing me to hold his hand like she always did. So what the hell will I do with myself then?????
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
More bad news
Irony! That has to be what it is right, irony! I write a very lengthy blog about "Bad News" and not 2 hours later, I get a call from my very freaked out daughter informing me that my mother had driven herself and the kids to the doctors office and now needed a ride to the emergency room. It seems during lunch Mom started feeling a pressure in her chest, followed by pain, lightheadness and a tingly sensation all over. She calmly dropped my brother off at his friends house for a weekend trip without saying a word to him that she was feeling bad. She then drove straight to the doctor's office w/o a word to my kids. My daughter knew something was up but did her best to not ask any questions. The doctor couldn't see my mom (long rant for another day maybe) but the nurse that checked her out in the waiting room said that it would be best if she go to an ER for immediate attention. By the time I flew to the dr's, there was already an ambulance and fire truck in the parking lot. My heart did a complete flip when I saw them because I knew they were there for her. I walked in the door and there about 5 paramedics and fire fighters jamming up this little room trying to convince my stubborn mother to get on the gurney and go with them to Baylor Grapevine. My kids looked frightened. My mother looked terrified. I did my best to hold back the tears and be brave for all three of them. Finally, they put Mom on the gurney and wheeled her out to the ambulance. That is when my daughter lost all composure and fell apart. As I held her and my son, I didn't know what to do next so we all just stood there while she cried.
After the ER decided it best to admit her for the night for further testing and monitoring, I went home to get her creature comforts. A and I came back up to the hospital in time to hear the admit nurse asking my mother all the important questions - name, address, social, bday, age....that's when it hit me - my mother is 60. I've never thought of my mother as old. I'm not saying 60 is old but in that moment in time - it seemed ancient. She looked 60. I've never ever thought my mother looked her age - good genes - my grandmother certainly doesn't look 84. In that moment in time, I realized that my parents are old. My parents are at that stage in life where things start falling apart and the likelihood of things killing them has increased. I'm not really sure I was ready to face that conclusion - are we ever ready for that? I just know that suddenly my invincible mother seems so vulnerable and it makes me feel so old as well.
My mother has never taken care of herself because she's always too busy taking care of others. My kids are a perfect example - how many grandmothers give as much of their time to their grandchildren as my mother does? She had practically raised them both for me while I worked. She is still raising her 34 year old son that might never grow up and my father is incapable of taking care of himself because he doesn't know how. She is the coordinator of the care of both of my grandmothers from across the country. She is the 'go to' person for all her friends and family when they are sick and need medical advice. Besides watching my kids full time, she is also the accountant for my dad's company (her trade is lab technician - not accounting) and the gopher for the company on a daily basis. Her new house has been in turmoil since the day they moved in and the painters started gutting the interior. Between the fumes and the mess, I cannot believe it took her this long to show signs of health problems.
Of course, since she lost her own father in Dec. 2006, she hasn't been the same. She isn't as caring or tolerant of others as she once was. I think losing her daddy hardened her and because of all the demands on her time - she never had time to grieve the way she needed to.
Thinking about my daughter's face on Friday when I walked into the doctor's office just tears me up. The one upside is it has made me re-evaluate my own health. Heart disease is hereditary. My grandmother and now my mother have heart problems. The weight I carry around is no good for my heart. I don't want to ever see my own daughter or grandchildren have that look of fear in their faces for me someday. It is time I stop worrying about the unimportant things in life and concentrate of my own health and that of those I love. Although it's hard to think of eating right and exercising when my focus needs to be on reducing my Mom's stress - I think if I were to get in shape, it would reduce some stress in her life as I'm sure she worries about my health as much as I worry about hers.
After the ER decided it best to admit her for the night for further testing and monitoring, I went home to get her creature comforts. A and I came back up to the hospital in time to hear the admit nurse asking my mother all the important questions - name, address, social, bday, age....that's when it hit me - my mother is 60. I've never thought of my mother as old. I'm not saying 60 is old but in that moment in time - it seemed ancient. She looked 60. I've never ever thought my mother looked her age - good genes - my grandmother certainly doesn't look 84. In that moment in time, I realized that my parents are old. My parents are at that stage in life where things start falling apart and the likelihood of things killing them has increased. I'm not really sure I was ready to face that conclusion - are we ever ready for that? I just know that suddenly my invincible mother seems so vulnerable and it makes me feel so old as well.
My mother has never taken care of herself because she's always too busy taking care of others. My kids are a perfect example - how many grandmothers give as much of their time to their grandchildren as my mother does? She had practically raised them both for me while I worked. She is still raising her 34 year old son that might never grow up and my father is incapable of taking care of himself because he doesn't know how. She is the coordinator of the care of both of my grandmothers from across the country. She is the 'go to' person for all her friends and family when they are sick and need medical advice. Besides watching my kids full time, she is also the accountant for my dad's company (her trade is lab technician - not accounting) and the gopher for the company on a daily basis. Her new house has been in turmoil since the day they moved in and the painters started gutting the interior. Between the fumes and the mess, I cannot believe it took her this long to show signs of health problems.
Of course, since she lost her own father in Dec. 2006, she hasn't been the same. She isn't as caring or tolerant of others as she once was. I think losing her daddy hardened her and because of all the demands on her time - she never had time to grieve the way she needed to.
Thinking about my daughter's face on Friday when I walked into the doctor's office just tears me up. The one upside is it has made me re-evaluate my own health. Heart disease is hereditary. My grandmother and now my mother have heart problems. The weight I carry around is no good for my heart. I don't want to ever see my own daughter or grandchildren have that look of fear in their faces for me someday. It is time I stop worrying about the unimportant things in life and concentrate of my own health and that of those I love. Although it's hard to think of eating right and exercising when my focus needs to be on reducing my Mom's stress - I think if I were to get in shape, it would reduce some stress in her life as I'm sure she worries about my health as much as I worry about hers.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Bad News
Seems like every time I turn around these days someone is giving me bad news. I'm personally tired of bad news. When I turn on the news, it's bad news. When I answer the phone - more bad news. What happened to the good news? When I was a kid, everything was good news. It snowed - no school - good news!!! I have strep throat - no school - good news! Cartoons are on - it's Saturday - great news! Now it seems like everything is bad news. Your friends only call or email with bad news. My parents are the constant bearers of bad news: 'your grandmother needs open heart surgery', 'remember old Ms. Jones - she died', 'did I tell you about Uncle Bob - it's bad'...... it just goes on and on. I think the older we get, the more we attract bad news. It's like age is a bad news magnet or something. When we are kids the only bad news came in the form of rainy days because that meant we had to stay inside all day. Hell today, that is not even bad news for kids, it just means more time w/ the Xbox or computer surfing!! I would think the only bad news for kids today would be a power outage and the batteries not being charged on their electronics.
When you are a teenager, everything is traumatic but it's not really bad news. As a young adult, there is bad news but there is still so much good news in your life at that age that it far outweighs the bad. At middle age (where I am now), it's about 70/30. I hear far more bad news each day than good. There is still that small smattering of good news like when a friend marries or has a baby, when your kids do something fabulous that makes you proud, when you pay your bills and have money left over - that is really good news. I'm guessing by the time you are my parents age, the ratio changes to more like 90/10. And when you reach my grandmother's age - it's all bad news. Seems like they lose a friend or relative on a weekly basis now. Trips to the doctor are never good news and at that age they watch the news religiously so they must think the world is nothing but BAD NEWS!
Is this an American issue only? Is it a society thing? I think our access to Internet, cell phones, cable channels has opened us up to faster access to bad news. It is instant now rather than delayed. The only time you knew something bad had happened in the old days was when you read it in the paper the next day or saw it on the evening news. By then the news people had time to present the facts and not the skewed instant version we get now. Remember 9/11, how the news people kept reporting all these other things that turned out to be completely untrue. They were excited about giving us more BAD NEWS so they reported things w/o confirmation. We feed on this stuff so it fueled their desire to give us more and more BAD NEWS. The fact that 3 planes had crashed into American buildings was not enough bad news. They wanted us to believe there were more planes on their way and their were car bombs going off in our cities. And we fed into it because we seem to thrive on bad news.
I have been as guilty as the rest....I used to thrive on sensationalized tv programming. I, too, sat mesmerized in front of the tv after Princess Di died, the 9/11 attacks, the Columbine shootings. Now I walk away. I rarely turn on my tv and I never watch the news except to see the traffic or weather report in the morning (even that is bad news: big crash on I35, 'it's going to be a scorching 107 again today for the 15th day in a row folks'). I avoid newspapers and try not to read to much on the Internet. I have enough bad news in my life w/o the help of the media. I don't feel like I'm burying my head in the sand. I just don't think I can believe most of what the media reports anymore so why watch them at all. I'm tired of hearing about Britney and her kids or Brangelina's twins. I don't want to see pictures of their babies. Who cares? How does this effect my life or the lives of my children?
And to think, this whole thing started because today my BFF is having a biopsy done on her neck, my coworker is having a tumor removed from his foot, and my husband's car wouldn't start. Guess that was just more than my middle aged brain wanted to handle for the day! I need a break from bad news! Maybe I'll turn off the tv, computer and phones for one day and see if I can survive. Probably not because then I might miss that one piece of good news heading my way.
When you are a teenager, everything is traumatic but it's not really bad news. As a young adult, there is bad news but there is still so much good news in your life at that age that it far outweighs the bad. At middle age (where I am now), it's about 70/30. I hear far more bad news each day than good. There is still that small smattering of good news like when a friend marries or has a baby, when your kids do something fabulous that makes you proud, when you pay your bills and have money left over - that is really good news. I'm guessing by the time you are my parents age, the ratio changes to more like 90/10. And when you reach my grandmother's age - it's all bad news. Seems like they lose a friend or relative on a weekly basis now. Trips to the doctor are never good news and at that age they watch the news religiously so they must think the world is nothing but BAD NEWS!
Is this an American issue only? Is it a society thing? I think our access to Internet, cell phones, cable channels has opened us up to faster access to bad news. It is instant now rather than delayed. The only time you knew something bad had happened in the old days was when you read it in the paper the next day or saw it on the evening news. By then the news people had time to present the facts and not the skewed instant version we get now. Remember 9/11, how the news people kept reporting all these other things that turned out to be completely untrue. They were excited about giving us more BAD NEWS so they reported things w/o confirmation. We feed on this stuff so it fueled their desire to give us more and more BAD NEWS. The fact that 3 planes had crashed into American buildings was not enough bad news. They wanted us to believe there were more planes on their way and their were car bombs going off in our cities. And we fed into it because we seem to thrive on bad news.
I have been as guilty as the rest....I used to thrive on sensationalized tv programming. I, too, sat mesmerized in front of the tv after Princess Di died, the 9/11 attacks, the Columbine shootings. Now I walk away. I rarely turn on my tv and I never watch the news except to see the traffic or weather report in the morning (even that is bad news: big crash on I35, 'it's going to be a scorching 107 again today for the 15th day in a row folks'). I avoid newspapers and try not to read to much on the Internet. I have enough bad news in my life w/o the help of the media. I don't feel like I'm burying my head in the sand. I just don't think I can believe most of what the media reports anymore so why watch them at all. I'm tired of hearing about Britney and her kids or Brangelina's twins. I don't want to see pictures of their babies. Who cares? How does this effect my life or the lives of my children?
And to think, this whole thing started because today my BFF is having a biopsy done on her neck, my coworker is having a tumor removed from his foot, and my husband's car wouldn't start. Guess that was just more than my middle aged brain wanted to handle for the day! I need a break from bad news! Maybe I'll turn off the tv, computer and phones for one day and see if I can survive. Probably not because then I might miss that one piece of good news heading my way.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Busy Weekend
Well, it was another busy weekend - when will the madness end? Actually, for all we did - I do feel like I actually accomplished some things at the house (which is usually what suffers most when we are busy). Friday night, it was a late night at my parents so the kids could swim. Mom cooked dinner on the grill and I had to drag E out of the pool at 9p to head home. I finally had to tell both kids "No Aquarium unless you get out NOW". That got A out of the pool in a hurry so E followed slowly behind. He will usually do anything she tells him to do and she was really looking forward to the Aquarium.
Saturday morning, E came in to find out when we were going "fishing". I explained that I didn't think the folks at the Dallas World Aquarium would appreciate him fishing in their tanks. He was disappointed. The trip to DWA was a lot of fun. I got to catch up with an old friend that I hadn't seen in years and hang out with my good friends N, C & S and their kids. The kids really enjoyed all the exhibits and the DWA does a good job of letting the animals be fairly free. Case in point, there were several birds that just flew down onto people's strollers and hung out with the crowds for awhile. I couldn't get over the size of a couple of gators in the pond below. Yikes - glad they weren't free to roam. My favorite part (besides being with good friends) was the shark tank. Getting to sit on the ledge and look up at all the sharks and stingrays swimming above our heads was pretty cool. It also gave us a chance to sit and relax in a fairly cool and not-so-crowded spot for a few minutes. If it weren't for my desire to chase the Mayan dancers, we might have stayed longer with the sharks. I couldn't believe how reasonable the cost of food was - usually these types of places totally overcharge for meals but the food at Cafe Maya was about the same price as it would be at any Mexican restaurant. Go DWA!! Even the items in the gift shop were not overpriced. It was nice to be able to get both kids a little trinket at the end of the trip and not feel like I was breaking the bank. All in all, it was a very fun outing and I'm really glad we went.
Saturday evening after church, it was back to the pool for the whole family. Even Uncle S hung out with all of us at the pool and his girlfriend came for dinner and brought her adorable baby girl (who is turning 1 this week). A loved playing with the baby in the pool and trying to make her laugh. E just loves having Uncle S in the pool especially because he can throw E up really high in the pool! Although, he doesn't want to learn to swim - E loves going under water now. I think the saltwater in the pool makes a big difference because it doesn't burn his eyes like chlorine did.
Sunday I actually cleaned my house, organized A's closet (well her shoes and and her school work from 5th grade - not her clothes, that is an all day process that neither of us were ready to tackle), and did all the laundry - go ME!! A was a big help because she went thru her Barbie box and basically decided it was time to let them go (except the Wizard of Oz dolls and a few others of special meaning). This freed up the box under the bed for all the other dolls she still plays with (Bratz & My Scene) that were being stored in her closet. Just having those boxes of dolls out of the closet freed up tons of space for school clothes. Don't tell her that though because I'm still making her try on everything so we can purge before back to school shopping. A also hung up all her clean clothes and tried on all her shoes so we could purge those before heading out for lunch. Hubby finished up his golf tournament early so the four of us went out to lunch and then to his office to help set up his new workspace in the new office. My dad rented a new space in the same building w/ more square footage to make room for the new employee starting with the company next week - my brother. That should be interesting......but I digress. So we set up hubby's office the way he wanted it and cleaned out the old space. Then it was back over to my parent's for more swimming. The painters have actually finished all the bedrooms and two bathrooms so my mom is on Cloud 9. Furniture is being arranged, ceiling fans put back up, light switch covers on, it's amazing how much better it already feels in that house just having half of it done. The neighbor came over and put in one of the three new back doors too so there was lots of progress this weekend on the house. Of course, we are usually outside 99% of the time we are there so I'm not sure why they even put all this money into the interior?? I put my foot down last night and told the kids we were not staying til dark in the pool again. I had work to do at home and we were leaving after dinner. I think after 5 consecutive days/evenings in the pool - they were tired too so they both agreed pretty quickly. We were home in time for everyone to take a bath and E was asleep by 8:30!! I was still up too late but I was downloading all the pictures from our vacation to Louisiana, the baptism from last weekend, the trip to the Aquarium and some fun times in the pool. Downloading pics is exhausting work but I feel better for having done it. Now I just need to find some time to sit down and get them printed in preparation for my Scrap Retreat weekend at the end of this month - Can you say HAPPY HEATHER!!!! I cannot wait to get away for that and hopefully get some things actually accomplished and/or caught up!!
So that was my weekend - phew - it went by to fast but it was packed full of fun, cleaning and swimming so what more can I ask for?? Sleep? Oh well, maybe some other weekend.....
Saturday morning, E came in to find out when we were going "fishing". I explained that I didn't think the folks at the Dallas World Aquarium would appreciate him fishing in their tanks. He was disappointed. The trip to DWA was a lot of fun. I got to catch up with an old friend that I hadn't seen in years and hang out with my good friends N, C & S and their kids. The kids really enjoyed all the exhibits and the DWA does a good job of letting the animals be fairly free. Case in point, there were several birds that just flew down onto people's strollers and hung out with the crowds for awhile. I couldn't get over the size of a couple of gators in the pond below. Yikes - glad they weren't free to roam. My favorite part (besides being with good friends) was the shark tank. Getting to sit on the ledge and look up at all the sharks and stingrays swimming above our heads was pretty cool. It also gave us a chance to sit and relax in a fairly cool and not-so-crowded spot for a few minutes. If it weren't for my desire to chase the Mayan dancers, we might have stayed longer with the sharks. I couldn't believe how reasonable the cost of food was - usually these types of places totally overcharge for meals but the food at Cafe Maya was about the same price as it would be at any Mexican restaurant. Go DWA!! Even the items in the gift shop were not overpriced. It was nice to be able to get both kids a little trinket at the end of the trip and not feel like I was breaking the bank. All in all, it was a very fun outing and I'm really glad we went.
Saturday evening after church, it was back to the pool for the whole family. Even Uncle S hung out with all of us at the pool and his girlfriend came for dinner and brought her adorable baby girl (who is turning 1 this week). A loved playing with the baby in the pool and trying to make her laugh. E just loves having Uncle S in the pool especially because he can throw E up really high in the pool! Although, he doesn't want to learn to swim - E loves going under water now. I think the saltwater in the pool makes a big difference because it doesn't burn his eyes like chlorine did.
Sunday I actually cleaned my house, organized A's closet (well her shoes and and her school work from 5th grade - not her clothes, that is an all day process that neither of us were ready to tackle), and did all the laundry - go ME!! A was a big help because she went thru her Barbie box and basically decided it was time to let them go (except the Wizard of Oz dolls and a few others of special meaning). This freed up the box under the bed for all the other dolls she still plays with (Bratz & My Scene) that were being stored in her closet. Just having those boxes of dolls out of the closet freed up tons of space for school clothes. Don't tell her that though because I'm still making her try on everything so we can purge before back to school shopping. A also hung up all her clean clothes and tried on all her shoes so we could purge those before heading out for lunch. Hubby finished up his golf tournament early so the four of us went out to lunch and then to his office to help set up his new workspace in the new office. My dad rented a new space in the same building w/ more square footage to make room for the new employee starting with the company next week - my brother. That should be interesting......but I digress. So we set up hubby's office the way he wanted it and cleaned out the old space. Then it was back over to my parent's for more swimming. The painters have actually finished all the bedrooms and two bathrooms so my mom is on Cloud 9. Furniture is being arranged, ceiling fans put back up, light switch covers on, it's amazing how much better it already feels in that house just having half of it done. The neighbor came over and put in one of the three new back doors too so there was lots of progress this weekend on the house. Of course, we are usually outside 99% of the time we are there so I'm not sure why they even put all this money into the interior?? I put my foot down last night and told the kids we were not staying til dark in the pool again. I had work to do at home and we were leaving after dinner. I think after 5 consecutive days/evenings in the pool - they were tired too so they both agreed pretty quickly. We were home in time for everyone to take a bath and E was asleep by 8:30!! I was still up too late but I was downloading all the pictures from our vacation to Louisiana, the baptism from last weekend, the trip to the Aquarium and some fun times in the pool. Downloading pics is exhausting work but I feel better for having done it. Now I just need to find some time to sit down and get them printed in preparation for my Scrap Retreat weekend at the end of this month - Can you say HAPPY HEATHER!!!! I cannot wait to get away for that and hopefully get some things actually accomplished and/or caught up!!
So that was my weekend - phew - it went by to fast but it was packed full of fun, cleaning and swimming so what more can I ask for?? Sleep? Oh well, maybe some other weekend.....
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