As my daughter has excelled in all things book and studies related, I've had the fear that eventually her brains would cause a problem in the social aspects of her life. I think it is a pretty common fear as a parent that your child might not be accepted by others, might not be popular enough for your standards, or might be a social outcast. This is a part of your child's life that you have little or no control over. You just have to sit back helplessly as your son or daughter struggles to find where they fit in their world.
Fourth grade was the first signs of trouble. A had a core group of friends since kindergarten and I honestly hoped they'd all stay friends thru High School. Foolish Mommy! In fourth grade, new kids started coming into our school and new allegiances and social groups were formed. A teetered on the edge of the popular group because she'd been part of the group for so long. However, she's not the type of kid to choose sides in a battle or gossip about a friend so this started causing some issues over the past few years. The leaders wanted easy to manipulate type followers and my daughter just doesn't have it in her to be that type of follower. Although very proud of her ability to stay strong during these times, I knew it was going to lead to trouble as the years went on. She's not pushy enough to be the leader of the popular kids although she will gladly lead a project or team for any school assignment.
In fifth grade, she started hanging out with a few girls who had splintered off from the popular group and they tried to pretend that it was by choice. They loved to gossip and malign the popular kids any chance they got. I warned A not to get swept up in their pettiness because I knew it was just their way of dealing w/ the rejection from the group and if given the chance, they'd dive back into that group and turn against all other friends w/o a 2nd thought. Luckily, A listened and tried balancing between her two groups. Problem with that was it left her on the edge of both groups and not really a member of either.
This year, the lines are really blurred because their class of 75 is now a class of 530. New friends are falling into the groups. New allegiances are being formed. The group of friends that A had been close to since kindergarten was now growing and adding in kids from other groups. As this group added in students, the focus on grades and challenging each other to be the best academically was being traded for who wore the best clothes and who was "going with" who. Although A has the right clothes, she does not have a boyfriend like most of the other girls in the group. Her fringe group of friends from fifth grade do not have boyfriends but they seem to be fading away since they do not share many classes together this year.
I honestly was unaware of how much this social drama was effecting A until Saturday night when my friend Ms. K dropped off something at my house and mentioned she'd just dropped off her 6th grader at another girl's Halloweeen party. A overhead and when Ms. K had left, my daughter finally let me in on a little secret - she thinks she's a nerd. Apparently, there were three Halloween parties planned for this past weekend and A was not invited to any of them. Two were hosted by popular kids and one by a not popular kid from her old school. Most of her friends were invited to one or more of these parties and she wanted to know why she wasn't. She declared it was because of all the 'stupid honors' she'd received this year and the kids were starting to pull away from her because she was too smart and a goody two shoes. Okay......here's the crux of my problem - I was a High School Cheerleader (captain for two years for goodness sake) - what do I know about being too smart or unpopular? I had to dig deep to a time when we first moved to TX and I was the "new kid" and had to work my way into the hearts of my fellow classmates. That didn't help because I was the outsider because I was new. So I had to dig back even further to when I went to a prestigious Catholic School and all the kids wore Izod and my clothes were homemade and my closest friend was a renowned bugger eater and I was chastised constantly for not controlling her eating habits. Yes, that was the appropriate time to put myself in A's place. I wasn't unpopular due to my brains (that could never happen to me) but I was unpopular because I wasn't rich, wasn't dressed right and had the wrong friend.
Once I had my mindset right, I was able to comfort A the best I could. I reminded her that these parties probably had limits as to how many kids could be invited and if she were to have a party and I told her she could invite 10-15 friends - would the hosts/hostesses of the three parties in question be on her guest list. After a few moments of serious consideration, she smiled and said that only one would have been and he would not have been in the top 10. I honestly do not know how big these parties were but making her realize that these parties were not hosted by her closest friends seemed to make a difference for the moment.
My daughter is not a nerd (not that there is anything wrong w/ being a nerd). She's an athlete and I think next year when she can join the tennis team at school, her world will change again for the better. In the meantime, I think sixth grade is going to be a year of mixed emotions - so many kuddos for academic achievements and so many tears for social inadequacies. All I can do as her mother is keep returning to my 6th grade year and try to remember what it was like to be the only kid not wearing that stupid alligator on my white blouse and knee high socks every day. I just wish I hadn't fried so many brain cells since then as it might be easier to put myself in her shoes.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Gifted
When I found out I was having a baby in 1996 , so many things started going thru my mind..... Yippee!; Oh my gosh, I can't do this!; What if I'm not a good mother?; Will the baby be healthy?; What will he/she look like?; What if something happens during the pregnancy?.....it was 10 months of pure torture and emotional turmoil while I waited to meet my child. Then the day arrived and the nurse placed a tiny, slightly yucky and slimy creature in my arms and suddenly a whole new set of issues/questions arise.....Oh my gosh, I still can't do this!; what if I break her?; what if she doesn't like me?; what if I do something wrong?; how do I do this right?.....after a while I realized she was not breakable and she loves me unconditionally even when I do something wrong. Sure, I can still totally screw things up as my kids grow and my worries change with each and every year that passes. As they approach teenage years, I have the additional worries about driving, peer pressure, sex, etc. Then they become adults and I will still have to worry - will they marry the right person, find the right career, be happy, be healthy, etc. Once you sign on for parenting, it is a full time career that lasts the rest of your life.
Sometimes you get lucky. I'm still trying to figure out what I did right to have such awesome kids??
When A was in kindergarten, she tested into the Gifted and Talented program. I realized that was a big deal but figured it was because she had the honor of spending her days with her grandmother who spent so much time teaching her so much. I figured their time together had given A a leg up on the other kids but at some point it would level out. As the years passed, her teachers tried telling me how lucky I was to have such a gifted child. Again, I chalked this up to my daughter being an exceptional suck up at school and in public. I couldn't begin to fathom that she was so different than her friends. She hung out with other kids in the GaTeS program so I assumed they challenged each other to a higher level of learning and behavior. I couldn't (and still cannot) understand how the girl who never listened at home, ate with her fingers instead of silverware, tripped over her own feet on a daily basis and loved a good belly laugh over anything else in life could be any different than any other kid we knew.
Then she hit the end of her fifth grade year and teachers started trying to get me to understand that she was more than just a 'good' student or 'nice' kid. They encouraged me to put her in all PreAP classes in Middle School because "if any kid could excel in Pre AP, it was A". Then she won "GaTeS Student of the Year" and "LA Student of the Year" and during the awards ceremony, I heard her teachers say incredible things about her and I was stunned.
Now she's a 6th grader and the past few weeks have been a real learning experience for me. She was selected in the Top of Class program after the 1st six weeks. Only 10 (out of 530) 6th graders were nominated by the teachers to receive this honor. They get special campus priviledges all year and A couldn't have been more thrilled. Then yesterday, she called me screaming that she'd won "Top Student for the 1st Six Weeks". This means my daughter had the highest GPA out of 530 students for the first six weeks of school (carrying a full PreAP load). This is the kid that fought with me about the need to study for tests because she never had to study in gradeschool. I tried explaining that middle school was different and the tests would be harder. So far, she hasn't made below a 95 on any of her tests so it's hard to prove my point when she can still make grades like that w/o studying.
I guess this is when it finally hit me.....my kid is darn smart. Certainly smarter than me. She still has a lot to learn in common sense and life but when it comes to math, science, LA and geography - she blows my mind. My husband acts like it's a given that we'd have a smart child. Of course, if you know him you laugh at the assumption too. Sure, he's a pro at storing useless trivia in his brain and he's pretty good at geography but even he should realize that A is beyond him in math, science and LA.
The good news is....I still have E. As of right now, I'm still smarter than he is. I can still teach him things. A loves me but even she realizes she's left me behind in the intelligence department. She's not unkind about it because that is not her way. She shows great patience when she's teaching me something new she learned at school and I'm excited to learn new things. Somedays, I feel like she's the mom.
Hopefully the people that meet my daughter but do not know me very well will assume she gets it from me! A mom can dream.......
Sometimes you get lucky. I'm still trying to figure out what I did right to have such awesome kids??
When A was in kindergarten, she tested into the Gifted and Talented program. I realized that was a big deal but figured it was because she had the honor of spending her days with her grandmother who spent so much time teaching her so much. I figured their time together had given A a leg up on the other kids but at some point it would level out. As the years passed, her teachers tried telling me how lucky I was to have such a gifted child. Again, I chalked this up to my daughter being an exceptional suck up at school and in public. I couldn't begin to fathom that she was so different than her friends. She hung out with other kids in the GaTeS program so I assumed they challenged each other to a higher level of learning and behavior. I couldn't (and still cannot) understand how the girl who never listened at home, ate with her fingers instead of silverware, tripped over her own feet on a daily basis and loved a good belly laugh over anything else in life could be any different than any other kid we knew.
Then she hit the end of her fifth grade year and teachers started trying to get me to understand that she was more than just a 'good' student or 'nice' kid. They encouraged me to put her in all PreAP classes in Middle School because "if any kid could excel in Pre AP, it was A". Then she won "GaTeS Student of the Year" and "LA Student of the Year" and during the awards ceremony, I heard her teachers say incredible things about her and I was stunned.
Now she's a 6th grader and the past few weeks have been a real learning experience for me. She was selected in the Top of Class program after the 1st six weeks. Only 10 (out of 530) 6th graders were nominated by the teachers to receive this honor. They get special campus priviledges all year and A couldn't have been more thrilled. Then yesterday, she called me screaming that she'd won "Top Student for the 1st Six Weeks". This means my daughter had the highest GPA out of 530 students for the first six weeks of school (carrying a full PreAP load). This is the kid that fought with me about the need to study for tests because she never had to study in gradeschool. I tried explaining that middle school was different and the tests would be harder. So far, she hasn't made below a 95 on any of her tests so it's hard to prove my point when she can still make grades like that w/o studying.
I guess this is when it finally hit me.....my kid is darn smart. Certainly smarter than me. She still has a lot to learn in common sense and life but when it comes to math, science, LA and geography - she blows my mind. My husband acts like it's a given that we'd have a smart child. Of course, if you know him you laugh at the assumption too. Sure, he's a pro at storing useless trivia in his brain and he's pretty good at geography but even he should realize that A is beyond him in math, science and LA.
The good news is....I still have E. As of right now, I'm still smarter than he is. I can still teach him things. A loves me but even she realizes she's left me behind in the intelligence department. She's not unkind about it because that is not her way. She shows great patience when she's teaching me something new she learned at school and I'm excited to learn new things. Somedays, I feel like she's the mom.
Hopefully the people that meet my daughter but do not know me very well will assume she gets it from me! A mom can dream.......
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Car Hunt
We decided to go ahead and fix the Grand Prix as we think it will draw a better trade in value w/o the missing headlight and crunched front end. It should be coming out of the shop in the next few days. I can honestly say that I am not looking forward to getting it back. I really despise that car and all the problems it has given me since Day 1. We drove thru a few car lots while we were in Plano Saturday. I found some things I like from the outside but did not have the time to test any out so I still do not know what we are going to do. The car is a wash as to what we owe and what it is worth at trade in so there is a part of me that knows the right thing is to keep it until we pay it off next year. Then there is the other part of me that is scared of this car and really wants a fresh start.
The hardest part is finding the time to load the entire family up for car hunting. I don't want to go alone as Car Salesmen frighten me. After living with a car salesman for 14 years, I know all the slimy tricks and they drive me insane. I tried last week to sneak on the Nissan lot to peak at the Rogue. I almost made it back to my car when "Chris" attacked. Next thing I know I'm at his desk giving him my pertinent information. How the heck did that happen?? It's like he hypnotized me or something. UGH. Now "Chris" calls me almost every day to tell my voicemail what a great deal he has for me. I hate to break it to "Chris" (especially since this would mean actually answering the phone when he calls) but if we buy a car, it will likely be from one of DH's friends that stayed in the business when he left.
After years of having no say in what car I drove since DH just brought home whatever he wanted me to drive at the time, I'm very excited with the prospect of car hunting. I just wish I really had the time to do it right and enjoy the ride......
The hardest part is finding the time to load the entire family up for car hunting. I don't want to go alone as Car Salesmen frighten me. After living with a car salesman for 14 years, I know all the slimy tricks and they drive me insane. I tried last week to sneak on the Nissan lot to peak at the Rogue. I almost made it back to my car when "Chris" attacked. Next thing I know I'm at his desk giving him my pertinent information. How the heck did that happen?? It's like he hypnotized me or something. UGH. Now "Chris" calls me almost every day to tell my voicemail what a great deal he has for me. I hate to break it to "Chris" (especially since this would mean actually answering the phone when he calls) but if we buy a car, it will likely be from one of DH's friends that stayed in the business when he left.
After years of having no say in what car I drove since DH just brought home whatever he wanted me to drive at the time, I'm very excited with the prospect of car hunting. I just wish I really had the time to do it right and enjoy the ride......
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Crash
Ok, so just as I thought life was turning in a fairly positive direction.....once again Karma reminded me to mind my thoughts better!! This past weekend was a crazy explosion of activity that about wore me to the bone. There was tennis, more tennis, church, more church and a birthday party (not ours).
Friday night was nice because they had a mixer at the club for kids of all ages from 6p-9p so DH and I actually went on a double date w/ T&M at the main club. We had a nice peaceful child-free dinner and conversation.
Saturday was just running errands and dealing with a very cranky 3 yr old and his 12 yr old sister because DH played in two separate tennis mixers - one in the afternoon and one in the evening. We were supposed to go to dinner after the 2nd one with all the tennis players but our son was not in the mood for public - so we decided it best to head home and hide him away fast!! Actually he just needed some sleep as his five minute nap before church was just not enough apparently.
Sunday was the day from hell! DH was playing in a charity/work related golf tournament in Garland so it was me and my darling children again all day. A had team tennis at 1pm. We show up for warmups a little later than usual to discover they were not playing in TC but in NRH which is a good 20 minute drive. A was in tears that she was going to be late and E decided to cry about everything - wrong food, tennis, air, toys - you name it, it upset him. We rush to NRH tennis center and arrive 10 minutes after the matches have started. A usually plays singles but they had to put another girl in her place or forfeit since we were late. She did get to play a great doubles match (we won) before we ran back to the car to rush back to TC so she could change before her BFF's bday party at the park. We knew we were going to be late and I'd convinced her that it would be okay. She was calm. E was calm. I was still a little frazzled and then BAM!!!! I see the big blue pickup truck just sitting in the middle of the road. I see that he is not moving but for some reason it just doesn't register quickly enough from head to right foot. I cannot turn to the left to miss him as I cannot see traffic coming from that direction. I cannot turn too far to the right as there is no shoulder - just a ditch. So I turn as much as the road allows and catch the back corner of the truck to the front corner of my car. Crunch!!! It's amazing how that slow motion camera starts working in your head at moments like this. It really happened so slowly that I still cannot figure out how I didn't stop in time. I was not on the phone, playing w/ the radio or talking to my kids. I was really just driving. It's still very bizarre. $3300 damage to my car, $2500 to his. I'm sure my insurance company is loving me right now. Oh well, this is what insurance is for - right?? That really doesn't make me feel much better about the whole thing but it's the best I've got for now. Since my car is worth $5K max, I was hoping it could be totalled but no such luck. It's in the shop now and I'm driving DH's LSUmobile. He's driving the Nissan Sentra rental that looks like a tiny clown car in my opinion. He asked this morning if I wanted to drive it and I politely declined. Looks dangerous to me. I like driving the big sturdy LSUmobile just fine. I'm not sure I want an SUV as my next vehicle but I definitely want something stocky and sturdy!! My Grand Prix crunched like a tin can on Sunday and I don't want that to happen again. I want a fighting chance. Maybe I'll find an old Chevy Impala - those things are like tanks and I survived more than one scary moment in my friend S's Impala in high school. One thing is for sure - I'm not buying a clown car!!
Friday night was nice because they had a mixer at the club for kids of all ages from 6p-9p so DH and I actually went on a double date w/ T&M at the main club. We had a nice peaceful child-free dinner and conversation.
Saturday was just running errands and dealing with a very cranky 3 yr old and his 12 yr old sister because DH played in two separate tennis mixers - one in the afternoon and one in the evening. We were supposed to go to dinner after the 2nd one with all the tennis players but our son was not in the mood for public - so we decided it best to head home and hide him away fast!! Actually he just needed some sleep as his five minute nap before church was just not enough apparently.
Sunday was the day from hell! DH was playing in a charity/work related golf tournament in Garland so it was me and my darling children again all day. A had team tennis at 1pm. We show up for warmups a little later than usual to discover they were not playing in TC but in NRH which is a good 20 minute drive. A was in tears that she was going to be late and E decided to cry about everything - wrong food, tennis, air, toys - you name it, it upset him. We rush to NRH tennis center and arrive 10 minutes after the matches have started. A usually plays singles but they had to put another girl in her place or forfeit since we were late. She did get to play a great doubles match (we won) before we ran back to the car to rush back to TC so she could change before her BFF's bday party at the park. We knew we were going to be late and I'd convinced her that it would be okay. She was calm. E was calm. I was still a little frazzled and then BAM!!!! I see the big blue pickup truck just sitting in the middle of the road. I see that he is not moving but for some reason it just doesn't register quickly enough from head to right foot. I cannot turn to the left to miss him as I cannot see traffic coming from that direction. I cannot turn too far to the right as there is no shoulder - just a ditch. So I turn as much as the road allows and catch the back corner of the truck to the front corner of my car. Crunch!!! It's amazing how that slow motion camera starts working in your head at moments like this. It really happened so slowly that I still cannot figure out how I didn't stop in time. I was not on the phone, playing w/ the radio or talking to my kids. I was really just driving. It's still very bizarre. $3300 damage to my car, $2500 to his. I'm sure my insurance company is loving me right now. Oh well, this is what insurance is for - right?? That really doesn't make me feel much better about the whole thing but it's the best I've got for now. Since my car is worth $5K max, I was hoping it could be totalled but no such luck. It's in the shop now and I'm driving DH's LSUmobile. He's driving the Nissan Sentra rental that looks like a tiny clown car in my opinion. He asked this morning if I wanted to drive it and I politely declined. Looks dangerous to me. I like driving the big sturdy LSUmobile just fine. I'm not sure I want an SUV as my next vehicle but I definitely want something stocky and sturdy!! My Grand Prix crunched like a tin can on Sunday and I don't want that to happen again. I want a fighting chance. Maybe I'll find an old Chevy Impala - those things are like tanks and I survived more than one scary moment in my friend S's Impala in high school. One thing is for sure - I'm not buying a clown car!!
Friday, October 3, 2008
Crud
So I know my weekend was too good to be true because apparently, it was just a build up to a really bad viral infection which hit me hard Tuesday night and took most of my family with it. DH was feeling bad last week but we chalked it up to allergies. Sunday night, my throat was hurting a little but I chalked it up to spending quality time near a friend's cat on Sunday. By Tuesday afternoon, the sore throat was accompanied by chills and I got home to realize that E was feeling cruddy too. He and I ended up staying home Wednesday and Thursday to re coop. DH was on the road in Louisiana and basically spent most of his time in the hotel room sleeping. Nothing worse than being sick in a hotel room. E seems to be back to his old self. DH and I are back at work today but both would rather be sleeping I'm sure. So far, A has avoided this but since my it hit my brother last night and he drove her to school the past few mornings - I have a feeling she'll get it too. We are dosing her w/ vitamins, OJ and rest to try to keep her healthy. She'd be devastated to miss school (I'm serious) so a sick day is not an option for her. We are also hoping my mom and grandmother do not get it either. It's amazing how one virus can take out so many. :-(
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