Good Times

Ahhh, the joys of a full weekend that did not stress me out!!! Friday night was A's first Middle School dance. She does not have a boyfriend (thank goodness) so I convinced her to make plans w/ her girl friends to meet up and hang out together. I had been suckered into volunteering to work the concession stand that night so I ended up driving her and a friend to the dance. Imagine my surprise when we walked up to find over 100 kids standing in line at the door already. I cut to the front and went in to start my first middle school PTO assignment. The concession stand was the size of a decent sized walk in closet - way too small for the 10 mom's packed into like sardines. We all managed to survive the next two hours of screaming kids, sugar highs, bad math and exploding Cokes. I was sweating so much by the end of the first hour that I'm sure my naturally curly hair was quite a site to see and my guess is my makeup was sliding down my face. The kids seemed to have a ball and I caught up on all the good school gossip on the ride home with A and two of her friends.

Saturday was a full but productive day. I managed to clean the house and still arrive at my ScrapPink all day crop by 10:05. I got in one good hour of setup time and it was off to my 'annual' doctors appt. That went by quickly enough and it was back to cropping!! I left again at 4:15 to pick up the kids and go to church (no guilt over missing Mass for my favorite hobby - priceless). After church, it was back to my crop w/ my friends til we couldn't crop no more. It was a great day.

Sunday was also a great day because I managed to get laundry done, the house straightened, kids dressed and out the door in time to meet my BFF and her daughter for a late lunch. After that, the five of us went to our friend CC's house for a Scentsy party. I ordered way too much stuff but I love Scentsy and run my burners all the time. The Scentsy salesrep is a friend of mine so we got to catch up for awhile and I got to spend time w/ my other friends at the party. My kids were well behaved, nobody got hurt, nobody cried......I qualify that as a successful outing w/ kids!! We had to leave the party right at 5p to rush back to Southlake in time for our 6pm reservations at Copelands for my Mom's birthday dinner. That was the only downside of the night -the service was painfully slow and I'd talked everyone into going to this place. The manage apologized for the service but it was too little too late. I have a feeling we won't be back. Mom seemed to enjoy having us all together though and she loved her bday present from the kids (a Creative Memories printed and bound Book of Thanks for all she'd done for the kids all these years). I have been working on that thing for almost a year so it was nice to finally get it to print and to her for her birthday. She was thrilled.

The kids and I got home at 8p and I managed to get them cleaned and ready for bed, final homework finished by A, bedtime by 9:30 for both of them and some quiet downtime for me so I could quietly read more of my vampire book. Hubby left for New Orleans Sunday morning so my ability to do all this alone yesterday is quite an accomplishment in my book. He does so much to keep the kids on a routine and I usually fail miserably when it's up to me to be in charge so it's nice when I can pull it off successfully! I even managed to get everyone up and to school on time this morning all by myself. He's not back til Thursday night so we'll have to see if I can survive the next three mornings !! Could be a real test of my patience and mommy skills!

Calendar Control

I seem to be suffering from calendar control again these days. It happens alot throughout the year but it seems like from August thru December, I lose all control of my life. Before children, I was an extremely organized, on time individual who was always on top of her game. Now, I'm a confused, disorganized, babbling idiot who doesn't even know what day it is most of the time. I forget conference calls, miss deadlines, overbook myself and the kids with activities and it's stressing me out. For awhile I had a Palm Pilot and that really did help but then it broke and I never got around to getting another one. I've tried a little calendar in my purse but I forget to update it when something new is planned. I'm now trying a Organizer/Planner that I bought at B&N this past weekend. I dutifully sat down yesterday and updated it with all the important calendar items, added important phone #'s and any other important info I can never seem to get my hands on when I need it. I did good today because I remembered to carry the calendar into work with me. Let's see how long this lasts!

I do not like being the person that is late for things. I do not like letting people down when I overbook a day and have to chose between activities. I do not like disappointing my children by promising them we'll do something and then discovering I already have one of us booked for something not as fun. Although my daughter's tennis schedule is probably the biggest culprit in my ability to plan a day ahead of time, I'm also pretty guilty of booking myself with too many things. Between scrapbooking, girl's nights, sorority activities, hair cuts, hair colors, etc. I leave little free time for myself. Sad thing is...I couldn't imagine giving any of it up even if it means better calendar control. It's a thin line I walk between the sanity that calendar control gives me and the sanity I achieve from all of those activities in my life. If forced to choose, I'd choose chaos.

I do feel some guilt that I have so many outlets but then my DH has tennis and golf. He doesn't think comparing our outlets is fair because his are sports and mine are fun. However, he is suprisingly supportive of my "me" time and tries his best to help me keep my calendar control in check. We call each other once a week to go over what is on the other's calendar so that we always know what is going on. That really doesn't help. It's not that the items are not on my calendar - they are right there in my face every Monday - Friday on a big ol' desk calendar. That does not mean I actually look at it though. It also doesn't mean I have it memorized when someone asks me to commit to something outside of the hours of 8:30 - 4:30 M-F.

Hopefully, carrying the new planner with me 24/7 will help. I know there are other moms with more on their plates than I do. I'm sure they've found some fabulous way to stay on top of it all. Until they reveal their secrets, I appeal to all of you unorganized, calendar basketcases like me to just do your best to not punish yourself too much over your inability to take control of your calendar. Just take it one day at a time......

It's Friday, it's Friday

Yep, that is the song in my head at the moment!! It's Friday, it's Friday. I'm so excited. Obviously no work for 2 whole days is a big part of my joy but I also have an all day scrapbook function planned for tomorrow in Arlington. As long as Hurricane Ike stays out of my way, that is where I plan to be from 9am-8am. Last year I attended this function for the first time and had a blast. It was the first time I'd ever done any sort of scrapbook function that lasted longer than 6 hours. Walking into the Arlington Convention Center last year and seeing all those women laughing, cropping and having a ball was quite a site to behold. I decided right then and there that I wanted to come back every year. I actually signed up for this year's convention about three months ago and have been counting the days for it arrive.

I'm guessing if you are not a scrapbooker or crafting type person, you have no idea why this is so exciting. I learned recently that when a Mom at E's preschool learned from my mother that I was scrapbooking all day Saturday, she called me "one of those people". Honestly, I have no problem being one of "those" people. I have always wanted to be a crafty type person and was not gifted with any type of natural artistic ability so to me - this is the closest I come to creating art. I'm sure some people look at my work and think it's a supreme waste of time and money but those are not the people I scrapbook for. The ones I do this for live inside my very own house. My husband and children love looking thru my books. I catch A and my husband looking thru old books all the time to relive a specific time in our lives. Even E likes to look at his books and laugh at the pictures, stickers and memories. A gets the biggest kick out of every single page I create whether it is in one of her books, her brother's book or one of my side projects. She even dabbles in scrapbooking a bit herself and had a grand time a scrapbook camp one day this summer.

I absolutely love the social aspect of scrapbooking. Whether it is someone you know or a perfect stranger, the minute you realize that you have scrapbooking in common - you form a special bond. Just last night, I was scrapbooking at the Club with two of my close friends and I passed a lady in the bathroom on my way thru to refill my drink. She wanted to know what was going on in the room we were in and I told her it was just a few ladies working on their scrapbooks. The woman's eyes lit up as she proclaimed that she loves to scrapbook and wanted to see our work. There is a certain level of pride as someone new looks thru your work for the first time.

My sincere hope for my friends is that you all have something you do that brings you joy like scrapbooking does for me.

What a week(end)!

Thursday was A's 12th birthday and as usual - the world revolved around her for the week. It's totally not her fault, I just go overboard on her birthday every year. This year was certainly no exception. Wednesday night, we presented her with her much desired own cellphone. I finally came to my senses and realized by not giving her one in this day and age was just silly. With all the tennis tournaments, school activities, etc. that she is involved in - it would be much easier for her to be able to contact us when something was over rather than us trying to guess on the best time to pick her up. That said, the phone does NOT go to school. If it does and a teacher takes it away, I am not paying the $5 to retrieve it. She can do that herself and I'd better never know about it. Thursday we did our traditional spaghetti dinner at my parent's house. My dad and brother were not available but the rest of enjoyed the first big meal my mother has cooked in the new house!!

Saturday morning, I took A for pedi's. I had promised her all summer that we'd go get pampered together sometime and now summer was over. We also picked up some birthday supplies and a cake from Walmart and headed home to pack. It was time to get ready for our adventure to Great Wolf Lodge. So four 11-12 yr old girls and I headed to the hotel about 3pm. After checking in, we headed up to check out our "really cool room". The girls had a log cabin inside the room to themselves. It had a bunk bed and a daybed and their own flat screen t.v. Once we dropped off our stuff, it was straight down to the waterpark to begin the FUN. I have to admit, I had really not been looking forward to this because it just meant another weekend away from the house and E. BUT, once the day got rolling, I got in a better spirit about the whole thing. My brother joined us for awhile at the waterpark because I had an extra pass and C and my mom didn't want to come. He seemed to have a good time and even convinced me to go on the lazy river for awhile and then on the Tornado (a slide w/ a funnel shaped thing that it spits you into after a nice drop straight down). We rode it together and both screamed the whole way. After the girls tried out all the rides and my brother and I tried out the bar (yes, they serve alcohol at this place), we decided to head up to the room to wait for hubby and E to arrive with the pizza! After we ate and they left, it was back down to the first floor for arcade fun. The girls had a blast playing the games and we earned enough points between the five of us to get them each matching BFF bears and a bouncy ball for E. Then it was back up to the room where they went straight to their "cabin" to watch Disney and Nickelodeon til they decided they were tired at 11:30. The little angels slept til 9:30a!! We ate donuts, packed our stuff, checked out and took our stuff to the car and then ran back inside for more time in the waterpark!! We stayed down there until after 3pm and I rode all the slides with them before we left. It really was a good time had by all.

The only downside of the weekend was the moment I walked thru the back door and saw a gift on the kitchen table. Crap - today is my anniversary. I knew this in theory when I bought a card last week but never got around to thinking about getting him a gift or even acknowledging the day when we'd talked on the phone a couple times today. Double Crap - he not only remembered but bought a gift AND A CARD!!!!! There was even a gift bag - triple crap!!!! What kind of women lets her husband one up her on their anniversary of all days???? Our anniversary has taken a backseat for the past 12 years but that is no excuse on my part. Even if we don't get a romantic night out - I always get him something or at least make a big deal out of the day. And here I go staying out both nights that weekend (sorority dinner club on Friday night) and most of the day of our anniversary. I get serious demerits as a wife today. I did run out and buy him some football books and a college football magazine but that should have been done before 4:30 today!! So what did he give me?? A GC to my favorite clothing store. Yep, I officially suck as a wife but rock as a Mom!!

Downer

I just flipped thru my last handful of posts and want to apologize for being such a downer the past few months. Guess this has all been a build up towards my mid life crisis!!

Mid Life Crisis???

So when my husband was just about my age, he lost his job as the manager of a Note Lot. After 12 + years at that dealership and 14 total years in the business, he was a lost sheep for almost a year after he was fired. He didn't want to be in the car business anymore and honestly, after 9/11, it wasn't such a good business to be in anymore anyway. So I sat back for months while he drew unemployment and struggled over what would be his "next big thing" career-wise. Money was already tight as the car business had been back sliding for years and half his salary was commission based. His $1400/month in unemployment didn't come close to covering the bills and since he was fired on Halloween day, Christmas was just around the corner. I tried so hard to be patient. I bit my tongue so much during those days that I swear my tongue is an inch shorter than it used to be! I wanted so much to be a supportive wife and give him room to find his next career but he didn't seem exactly motivated in any direction at that point. Looking back, he'd lost his mother a few years before and we'd just had a baby (who didn't sleep) that previous December. His life had taken alot of severe turns in a short period of time. It wasn't that he didn't want to work - he just didn't know what he wanted to be when he grew up anymore. He was fired for no reason and that was a deep gash to his pride. He was no longer providing for his family and was incapable of putting together a way to fix that.

My father actually came to our rescue and hired my husband to work in the insurance business. Even that was a struggle at first financially because the business was new and small and Dad didn't have much to pay. DH proved himself as a great marketer and hard worker and helped launch a pretty successful little company that now employs another underwriter, my brother, my mother and even me part time (2nd job). I know this wasn't his dream job and working for my father is a nightmare unto itself but DH gives it his best effort and trys not to complain too much.

Fast forward 3 years and I find myself doing the same sort of mental questioning that he was. I have not been fired. Quite the contrary, I think my boss would be shocked and devastated if I were to quit. However, I find myself on a daily basis questioning if the stress level of this job is worth it in the grand scheme of things. I'm not crazy or selfish enough to quit w/o thinking thru the long term consequences of my actions. #1 - I am the health, dental and life insurance provider for the whole family. My father does not offer insurance thru his company. I don't blame him but it does limit my options when I start thinking about quitting my current job. #2 - I actually make a decent salary for the amount of hours I actually work and the benefits are phenomenal. #3 - I actually like what I do and what I've learned. So why quit, right?

Well for one, my boss and one remaining coworker are trying drive me crazy. They are two of the moodiest men I've ever come into contact with in my entire life. I try so hard to rise above their petty behavior but find myself wallowing in it more and more each day. Next is the fact that even though I only work 7 hours a day, I spend 2 more each day in traffic so I'm really getting less time with my family, my home and myself then I have at any other job where I worked longer hours. With gas prices thru the roof, I sometimes question how much of a paycut I could afford to take and work somewhere closer to home.

I guess the thing bothering me the most these days is the fact that all I can think about anymore is that I'm wasting my life at this job and it's time to find my "next big thing". I love to scrapbook but do not think I'm creative enough to turn that into a lucrative business. People like their scrapbook advisor to create great projects that they can sponge (or scraplift) from. I don't do that kind of work. I am organized enough to be an event planner but that might be a job that requires too many hours for my taste. If I'm going to jump from a stressful job and too many hours in the car - I don't want to commit to something that would give me less time with my family, home and self. I also don't want to jump into a "commission" type job because I really enjoy knowing each month what DH and I are going to make.

I don't know where these thoughts are leading but I'm beginning to understand the meaning of "mid life crisis". I'm fast approaching 40 (can you say 7 months away) and I just feel a little worthless right now. I'm not depressed but I am stressed. The bags under my eyes are dark enough now that even concealer doesn't help. I'll keep you posted on my plans towards my "next big thing".