One year

It was one year ago today that we received an early morning phone call telling us that my husband's father had passed away. Although he'd been sick for the past year, had been in the hospital for several weeks and had just been hooked up to a dialysis machine - his death was a shock to us all. The doctors had indicated that we would be able to move him to a nursing home within a week and might be able to have him back in the senior home after some therapy. They never prepared us for his death. When I lost both grandfathers, we were told the time had come. It certainly does not make the final moment any easier to deal with but there was not the "shock" factor involved.

The passing of his father made my husband an orphan. An orphan at 41. I could not begin to fathom what must have been going thru his mind as we buried his father on our son's third birthday. To this day, I cannot begin to understand the pain he must carry in his heart.

His parents were wonderful people that really lived life to it's fullest. In their heyday, they were quite the party animals and were known to host a mean cocktail party. Early in their marriage they were told they couldn't have children so they adopted a baby girl. Seven years later she died of a brain tumor. Can you imagine what that would have been like in the late 1950's - there were no options of surgery or chemo back then? You were just told your child was going to die and then you had to watch it happen. Before they found out about the tumor, they had adopted a toddler boy. He came from a rough background and needed a lot of love and support. As they were trying to make him a part of their family, they were watching their daughter die. Situations like that tear a family apart but that did not happen in this situation. In fact, I believe it made their marriage stronger. About nine years later, a miracle happened - she found out she was pregnant. Of course, that miracle baby is my husband. He and his parents were very close. They adored their youngest son and he loved and respected them both. Losing his mom five years ago was tough but we had watched her health deteriorate for a very long time. Losing his dad last year was so much more difficult to handle. He and his dad golfed together (even up until about six months before his death, you could find him on the golf course with his buddies - did I mention he was 89?). He and his dad had so much in common - their love of football, the joy of a good game of golf, politics, outdoors, life in general. The only opinion the two really differed on was whether LSU or Texas was the better school and better football team. There were many Burnt Orange and Purple arguments over the years but it was all in good fun.

I really do not understand how he's survived this last year w/o being depressed, angry, withdrawn but somehow he has managed to get thru this first year. There are times he's not himself and seems a lot less patient with everyone and everything but I think those things are pretty normal.

As much as I miss his mom and my grandfathers, this Christmas without Ray has been so hard for me to wrap my brain around. I see Texas things in the store and pick them up to get him for Christmas. When I was ordering pictures at Sears last Sunday, I counted an 8x10 for him. He was such a generous and gracious man and his presence this Christmas will be sorely missed. Ray loved Christmas. He loved to shop, he loved to wrap the presents and he loved giving and getting gifts. He always wanted to open the gifts the minute we arrived each year to celebrate the holiday.

My husband's brother lives in the family homestead and we are heading there tomorrow to share Christmas with him. It will be a day of mixed emotions. A day where two brothers take stock of how much their lives have changed in the past year. A day to reflect on the joy their parents brought to the holidays every year. A day to reflect on the meaning of family and cherishing what is left of theirs.

We've missed you Raymond. Thanks for raising such a great son.