let me count the ways..............After years of trying (and failing) to get pregnant again, I gave up hope. I had a beautiful, funny, intelligent daughter and I figured I should just be happy for God's one gift to us. I mean, who was I to want more? Month after month, I convinced myself that I was destined to be the best mother to my only child that I could be. Then I found out I was pregnant. Of course I was thrilled but there was also confusion - now what was my purpose in life? I still believe it is to raise my daughter to be a leader, an athlete and an academic overachiever but now I know I have another purpose and that is to enjoy the wonder that is raising my son! My love for him overwhelms me sometimes. No matter how bad a day can be, when I open the door and see that little face light up - everything bad goes away. When I think I'm in for a great nights sleep only to have that little hand tap me on the shoulder to tell me there are ants in his bed - instead of feeling frustrated over lost sleep - I feel gratitude that I get to snuggle with him for awhile longer while I calm his fears and kill all the imaginary ants. As I lay there next to him in his bed, I ask myself what I did to deserve so much joy wrapped into one little package?? My favorite moments are when he asks me a question and then waits with this little angel face for my response. If the response is what he wants to hear, his entire face lights up and he kisses me repeatedly saying "hanks Mommy, hanks (that's 'thanks' to you).
Maybe it's the mother/son bond? Maybe it's the fact that he's my baby? Maybe it is just that I'm older and I know how important it is this time around to enjoy every single moment? I viewed most of my daughter's childhood from behind a video camera. There is not a moment of her first 8 years that are not documented on film (either still or video). This time around, I've decided to step back from the lens and enjoy each moment instead of documenting each moment. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a photographer and a scrapbooker - but I choose my moments. The video camera is rarely out and my son will not be able to enjoy reels of his childhood moments someday. But he will be able to listen to my stories about those moments because I was "in" them and he'll be able to read all about them in my scrapbooks.
He's just phasing out of being considered a toddler. I'm sad to watch him grow up so quickly but I feel like I've made the most of every minute we have together. With Ash I feel like one day I blinked and she was a tween. I'm hoping that doesn't happen this time around because this is my last shot to do it right!!! I want to relish every single smile, tear, accomplishment, failure, etc that my son experiences and hope that he continues to light up every time I walk into a room!! It truly makes my heart soar!
Update: I almost forgot another of my favorites: the way he says lemonade! I comes out like lemonaine. And he says it with such confidence and authority and his big sister and I never correct him.
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